HAMPSTEAD–Last night, Dutch Doctor of Medicine (M.D.), Doctor of Philosophy (Ph.D.), Doctor of Letters (D.Litt.), and Fellow of the Royal Society, Abraham Van Helsing, was found entering a churchyard tomb, accompanied by an asylum director, an aristocrat, and a Texan man. Although some scientists argue this was “strictly an examination of posthumous anatomy,” many others remain skeptical. Here are a few witnesses now.
“I believe I heard conversations regarding the words 'heart,' 'crosses,' and 'blood,”’ so one can only assume that they were discussing making cross-sections of the heart of the specimen,” says the unsuspicious doctor Hart Bloodman.
Local seamstress, Fang Sanguis, reports seeing Van Helsing holding a handkerchief and ceremonial wafers. “It’s fairly normal for this time of year,” she says. “Noses are prone to running in this cold weather, and I’m sure he was hungry considering it was the evening.” Seems the scientific process is more morbid than once thought.
